What's Coming to You
by limesoda
Summary: Draco proves to Harry that he can have any man he wants by flirting with someone else. A bit crackish, PWP. Rated M!


So after 7 years in the H/D fandom, i've finally decided to give back by writing my own fic. It's pretty explicit, so don't read if you're not into that sort of thing!!

* * *

"You slept with KRUM??" Harry screeched in disbelief.

Draco smirked. "That's right".

"_Victor_ Krum? B…but he's straight!" Harry choked out.

Draco's smirk grew wider. "Potter, Potter, Potter," he tutted. "You know even straight men can't resist my arse."

Harry sneered. "Krum can have any woman he wants, you saw the all girls swooning over him when he came to Hogwarts! I doubt a world class seeker like him would even take a second glance at you."

"You'd be surprised, Potter." Draco said confidently, grinning widely.

"You probably got him so pissed he thought you were a girl" Potter accused, scowling. "Or- I know!- you polyjuiced yourself into Fleur Delacour or something."

"I assure you Potter, I didn't do anything like that! He bumped into me in the broom shed and simply couldn't help himself!

"Oh really?" Harry growled. "I'm really supposed to believe that a red-blooded international quidditch star would all of a sudden turn into a flaming pouf upon seeing your pointy ferret face?

"Not my face, Potter - my magnificent, perfectly spherical, 100 percent pureblood arse," Draco drawled.

Harry froze, his face turning an angry red. Then he pounced, bringing his face inches away from Draco's. "Why were you flaunting your arse for Victor Krum?" he demanded. "I wasn't!" Draco protested. " I was wearing my short robes and bent down, and suddenly he was mauling me! And for your information, that wasn't the first time I've been molested by a straight man! They just can't resist my gorgeous arse!"

Harry scoffed in disbelief.

"It's true!" Draco cried. "Look, Potter, who's the straightest guy you know? Who runs screaming when you so much as allude to gay sex? Who raves about pussy like it's the bloody best thing on earth?

Harry sat back thoughtfully. "You know as well as I do- Ron Weasley."

"So lets make a bet. Ten galleons says a peek of my arse and he'll be begging to shag me."

"He's my _best mate_," Harry gasped, scandalized. "He'd never betray me like that!"

"So what have you got to lose?" Draco asked.

There was a pause. "Oh, all right," Harry sighed. "But only if I'm there in my invisibility cloak to kill Ron if he goes to far."

"Deal," Draco smirked.

* * *

Draco stood by their marble counter, pouring wine into several goblets. Harry was nowhere to be seen, having already donned his cloak. He'd owled Ron earlier that day, inviting over him for drinks and a few rounds of Wizard's Chess. Draco knew Weasley could never turn down the opportunity to humiliate them, which he inevitably did every time they played chess. But hopefully, they'd be doing something more exciting than that tonight…

Draco couldn't help but feel guilty. He hoped Harry wouldn't be too mad at him for fooling around with Ron for a bit, because well - as much as Draco loved Harry, he had an exhibitionist streak that needed to be expressed. And when it came to showing off in front of Harry, knowing he would be trembling and seething with anger and jealousy under his cloak, well… Draco just couldn't resist. He _needed_ Harry to know that he was the hottest male in London, _needed_ Harry to be incoherent with lust for him…he needed Harry to know that he could give even the straightest and most unlikely males a hard-on.

He heard a loud thump from the floo in the living room just then, meaning Weasley had arrived. He grabbed two glasses and headed over to greet him.

"Ahh Weasley, always a pleasure," Draco said, handing him the wine.

"Where's Harry?" Ron said immediately.

"He's gone out to fetch some biscuits, he'll be back in no time." Draco replied smoothly. "Why don't you have a seat?"

Ron lowered himself onto a dark green couch, glancing around suspiciously.

"So, how are things with you?"

"What? Oh, fine, thanks."

Draco waited, but the "_And you?"_ never came.

There was silence for a few moments, before Ron spoke again "Where's the chess set? We might as well start if Harry will be awhile."

Draco rose from the couch, glancing around the room. "Hmmm…there's just one problem. I seem to have forgotten where we last put it."

"You usually keep the games in that cupboard by the window, no?" Ron said, frowning.

"Oh, that's right," said Draco, striding over to it, his short silver dress robes fluttering around him. He bent down and began rummaging through its contents, smirking when he heard a gasp from Ron. Ignoring him, he continued searching for a minute before announcing, "It's not here," as he rose up.

He glanced at Ron, who had extended his legs casually over the coffee table. "I think we might have put it under the table," he said pointedly staring at Ron's legs. Ron obediently removed his feet and Draco scrambled in front of him, peering under the table, tugging his robes up ever so slightly to make sure Ron had a sufficient view.

Ron squawked loudly. "What's wrong?" Draco asked him, not looking up.

"You – You're arse, its so…_round_," Ron said in awe.

Draco let his robes slide another inch higher.

"It's so round and – and, _perfect,_" Ron continued hoarsely.

Draco sat back on his haunches. "Do you want to touch it?" he asked softly.

"What!?" Ron said backing into the couch.

"I said, would you like to touch it?"

"What! I can't – that's hardly – I'm not gay!" Ron managed.

" I know you're not, Weasley, that's why I offered. You don't pose any danger to me at all."

"But- Harry will be back, and he might get the wrong idea…"

"Don't worry, it won't take long," said Draco soothingly.

Ron flickered his eyes over Draco's arse longingly. Draco couldn't bear the tension any longer, so he lifted his robes and shook his bottom enticingly. "C'mon, where's that Gryffindor courage?"

Ron slowly, tentatively reached out and lightly brushed his fingers on Draco's bottom.

"Weasley, you can do better than that".

Ron bristled, but his palm gently cupped him. Draco whimpered slightly when he felt a soft satisfying _squeeze_.

"Mmm, like that" Draco moaned, arching into Ron's hand.

Emboldened, Ron's other hand flew onto Draco's arse and he began to knead and squeeze Draco's bottom furiously.

Draco was beginning to get hard when he remembered what he was supposed to be doing. He lifted himself off his hands and knees and sat down on Weasley's lap.

Ron was rock hard. Draco felt wonderfully filthy - that erection was for no one but him. The power he had over Ron was incredibly addictive and he wanted more. So he wiggled and ground himself over Ron's jean clad crotch.

"Fuck yeah," gasped Ron breathlessly as he ground his hips upwards.

"You like that? You like the feeling of my gorgeous arse?" Draco panted.

"Fuck!" Ron cried, holding on tightly to Draco's hips.

Draco could tell Ron was loosing control of himself. He was close, so close to begging to shag Draco's arse. He just needed the right thing to tip him over the edge…

"Ron, you're being such a naughty boy," Draco moaned in his ear.

Ron bucked so hard he threw Draco from his lap. He stood up, furiously undoing his belt, pulled his trousers down and announced as he dove for Draco on the floor: "Malfoy, prepare to get the fucking of a lifetime."

He was straddling Draco's legs when he was knocked forward but an invisible force with a loud "OOMPH".

Harry pulled off his invisibility cloak with a flourish and began loudly berating his best mate.

"RON! HOW COULD YOU! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE STRAIGHT! I CAN'T BELIEVE I TRUSTED YOU! I LEAVE YOU ALONE WITH DRACO FOR 10 MINUTES AND I FIND YOU MOMENTS AWAY FROM FUCKING HIM!? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF??"

Ron had pulled up his trousers and glared back at Harry with a red face.

"WELL IF YOUR SLUTTY TART OF A BOYFRIEND HADN'T BEEN SHAKING HIS ARSE IN MY FACE THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED!"

Both boys turned their heads to glare at Draco, who was slowly backing away from them.

"Uh, guys, lets be reasonable," Draco said anxiously. "It's not my fault neither of you can resist my arse."

"You're in so much trouble Draco," said Harry as Ron started to pound his fists menacingly.

"What are you going to d-do to me?" Draco stammered, tripping over himself.

"WE are going to SHAG you," Harry said. Draco breathed a sigh of relief – knowing what Harry was capable of, he was getting off pretty easy.

"At the _same time_," Harry added, exchanging smirks with Ron as Draco's eyes widened in horror.

* * *

I wrote this as a practice fic, so I don't plan on continuing it sorry! But look out for my next fics which will focus more on H/D. Thanks for reading!


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